Home Away from Home

Parents don't always feel prepared when their teenage son or daughter with a disability expresses the desire to participate in an international academic or experiential exchange program.

For parents accustomed to being advocates, problem-solvers as well as caregivers to their children, the prospect of their son or daughter being far out of their reach may be worrisome. Many young people with disabilities decide not to participate in international exchange programs simply because of their parents' concerns or fears. But being the parent of any teenager involves challenging preconceived limits, experiencing difficult transitions and letting go, as the growing teenager seeks increased independence and knowledge and moves toward adulthood.

Photo Caption: Megan participated in a volunteer abroad program as a teenager in Peru and Costa Rica. She shares her experiences through an online teleconference that can be read online.

“[My daughter] thought the Eiffel Tower at night was the most beautiful thing she’s seen. I have never heard her so excited about buildings before, and the first night she called me she said ‘These buildings here are so beautiful,’” says Alison Enslein about her daughter, Katherine, who has a learning disability and traveled to France. “[International experiences] expose us all to different kinds of things, gets us to notice what is around us and appreciating all of that, which she definitely did.” Her daughter’s high school teacher also noted how she was able to “be the expert” in her French class since she was able to add in little pieces of information that none of her classmates knew since they hadn’t experienced France for three weeks.

Most parents of teenagers with disabilities who have participated in international exchange programs agree that it was well worth the effort, but that getting to the point of feeling comfortable with their son or daughter going abroad required time to educate themselves and work through their initial concerns.

Settling into the Idea

Regardless of their son’s or daughter’s disability or country where they lived or were going to, many parents across the world reported some trepidation mixed with excitement when their child had the opportunity to go abroad.

"My mom first didn’t believe [I'd been accepted], and then she was crying and afraid of how it would be for me to live alone and speak a different language. Sometimes for parents it’s difficult to live without their children and let their children go on their own," said Alina Ivanova, a Russian student with bilateral amputation in her upper limbs. "I told my mom that it will be great. I’ll have fun and I’ll make new friends...It will be helpful for me in my future and after that I shall be a new person – more independent and [with knowledge of] how to spend money wisely or what to say if I want to make friends." Her mother worried how Alina would do fine motor tasks such as buttoning and zipping clothes, cutting food, putting on a coat—all of which she typically assisted her with. Once in the United States, however, Alina was able to learn to do these day-to-day tasks self-sufficiently and practice asking for assistance when needed. "I wasn’t scared but very excited; I thought only about the positive things," says Ivanova.

Photo Caption: Students with mobility disabilities arriving in the United States sometimes discover they can get around more easily if they use a wheelchair.
However, adjusting to a wheelchair takes time, and meeting with local people with disabilities can help to teach how to push one's chair and transfer in and out safely and effectively.

“My father supported me from the beginning when I said I wanted to go on an exchange [to the United States]. He understood I wanted to do that," says Alina, a young cancer survivor and lower limb amputee from Switzerland. "My mom was first not very fond of that idea. She didn’t want me to go in general, but she respected that I wanted to take this chance to do this. She started to get used to the situation once I was [abroad].”

"Since AFS guaranteed that the host families are chosen [carefully] and explained the support system of the program, all those worries seemed to be lessened,” says Marlon Celso, a high school student of short stature from the Philippines.

What were some of the factors that helped parents to make the shift to believing their child would benefit from going abroad more than staying home? For many it was talking with the leader of the trip, attending orientations with the exchange organization or knowing there would be parent chaperones on the program. “I think my parents weren’t quite as nervous as they would have been because it was associated with the school, with my classmates and my Spanish instructor. It was through my Spanish class, so that alleviated a lot of apprehension they may have had at the time,” says Robin Sutherby, who has cerebral palsy and did a summer program to Mexico.

For other parents, the knowledge that their son or daughter would be staying with host families abroad who could assist as needed made the difference. “The fact that I was going away for a year [made] my parents worried: How [was] I going to be taken care of being that far away? Since AFS guaranteed that the host families are chosen [carefully] and explained the support system of the program, all those worries seem to be lessened,” says Marlon Celso, a student of short stature that spent time away from his Filipino family while studying abroad as a high school student in Michigan.

Sandy Grevé had too many concerns to count before her daughter, who uses a wheelchair, went abroad to France. “We talked at great length about my fears and worked toward a resolution. We came up with a medical alert bracelet that named her disability, a number to access her medical history…and myself as a first point of contact in case of an emergency. [The international student health and travel insurance] company also would fly a parent over if a participant has been hospitalized. This was a great relief!”

Preparing to Go

Photo Caption: Angela Winfield with her family before she boards her British Airways flight.

“The most difficult part for my parents was letting me go at the airport,” says Angela Winfield who has a vision impairment and traveled on a group exchange to England. “My father got permission and a disability escort pass so that he could accompany me through the terminal and watch me get on the plane.” 

While uncommon, some parents may find alternatives to saying goodbye at the airport, and instead find programs that will allow them to serve as back-up assistants in the host country, but from a distance. “His brother and I went with him, but not in the same hotel or on the same bus. We were on the same airplane with the team leader and the coach from New York,” says Rachel Chen, whose son with autism participated on a People to People Sports Ambassador bowling exchange to the United Kingdom. “They gave us the itinerary and he read it over to become familiar with it, and to understand what was going on. Joshua is not aware of time, so his roommate would remind him about lunch time or when to go to sleep. I went there to talk to his roommate about his disability and how to help him do those things. Sometimes they needed money for buying lunch or souvenirs. He’s not good with money, so I would only give him a set amount each day. I would meet the bus and give him the cash, because he was not used to the coins.”

Most programs encourage parents to assist in preparations before the student goes abroad, but not travel with the student on the program. “I wasn’t overly concerned about being in touch with my parents because we had the other students there and my instructor. It helped me with my independence being in another country realizing mom and dad weren’t there, and I [could] actually get around and do things on my own,” says Robin Sutherby, who used a wheelchair during part of her time in Mexico.

Sutherby did appreciate her mother assisting in initial discussions with the trip leaders. Her mother helped explain Sutherby's disability and reassure the trip leaders about her daughter's abilities to get around in less than accessible surroundings. Her mother also helped her to obtain a wheelchair to bring with her to Mexico, which she ended up using about half of the time. “We traveled with a tour guide and we also had our own bus driver, so most of the time if I couldn’t get to a location, then the bus driver would get a taxi for me,” says Sutherby.

Photo Caption: Inquire about what transportation will be provided for the exchange participants in order to determine in advance what adaptations may be needed.

Other high school exchange students also appreciated their parents helping them to pack and learn about the countries where they were headed, and provide them emotional support as the time grew closer to departure. “They helped me a little with the language and filling out all the visa and application forms you have to do before you leave the country,” says Alina, who has a prosthetic leg and spent a year in the United States.

“Packing was quite an adventure,” says Sandy Grevé, whose daughter has cerebral palsy and traveled to France. “My daughter had to be able to carry her own bag, taking everything she would need for a year. We searched high and low for a bag that would work for her wheelchair. Then we had to keep packing and unpacking until she was down to the bare essentials and could manage the bag, a backpack and laptop on her own.” Then her daughter could buy other needed items once abroad in France and settled in.

"It helped helped me with my independence being in another country, realizing mom and dad weren’t there, and I [could] actually get around and do things on my own,” says Robin Sutherby, who used a wheelchair during part of her time in Mexico.

A few exchange participants remember their parents, however, going a bit beyond what was necessary. “My mother had to make sure I had everything in gear like hearing aid batteries, contact lens solution, baggies to keep my clothes dry.... it even came to a point where she was paranoid that I would lose my passport and wouldn't let me have it in the car on the way to the airport. Before I knew it, I took off without it,” says Sarah Gordon, who is deaf and did a program in Barbados. (She was able to get her passport sent to her overnight in Florida before her international flight the next day).

Flexibility and creativity can be a useful item to pack when going abroad, however, young people with disabilities will often acquire these adaptability skills while abroad by stretching beyond their comfort zones.“My mother is a very understanding and open-minded person so she helped me prepare,” says Eugene Aronsky, who has a vision impairment and spent six weeks in Finland. “She just explained to me to not block anything out before I try it.”

Connection with Home

"[Going abroad] strengthened my relationship with my parents. I was able to see what kind of people my parents are and it helped them to realize that I can really do many things without their help,” says Loren Aston, who is Deaf and studied in Europe.

Patrick Roseburg, who also traveled around Europe on a summer exchange, had attended a school for Deaf students back home so was used to being in less contact with his parents. “I didn’t really make time or put in any effort to keep in touch with my parents. I was 16 at the time and excited to be away from home, especially going to a new continent."

Some exchange programs encourage students to fully immerse themselves while abroad by limiting their dependence on supports back home, but with the advances in technology and the increased capacity for communications between parents and students via cell phones, this philosophy is changing.

“I was able to email my parents pretty much everyday - either short or long e-mails, just as long as they knew I was doing fine. Sometimes we would set up a specific time to meet online and talk through [an online instant messenger] despite the time difference," says Aston.

Parents need to be aware that a typical exchange student will experience ups and downs that are common with intercultural adjustments, and shouldn't be overly concerned when they see this occur.

Marlon Celso from the Philippines really enjoyed his U.S. host family, and they helped him feel reassured, but he still found, “One of the biggest challenges was dealing with home sickness at times, especially on special occasions."

Lourdes Crawford, a U.S. school counselor, sees this as common. “In the first meeting with international students, I just try to get to know them and to put them at ease. And then I talk about academics and ask them what their courses were like at home. I think by making that connection and building that relationship with the student, then they have at least one person to go to when that homesickness sets in after the second or third month, close to the holidays.”

Parents need to be aware that a typical exchange student will experience ups and downs that are common with intercultural adjustments, and shouldn't be overly concerned when they see this occur.

Fitting In Abroad

Parents may also be concerned with how their son or daughter will be received once abroad, hoping they will make friends and not feel isolated in the new country. For students traveling on programs with other students from their home country, the transition may be relatively smooth. “At first I didn’t want to travel with other people, because I didn’t think I would like it,” says Katherine Enslein, an American student with a learning disability who participated on a school trip to France. “In the end I did like it. On the first day I was nervous, but by the second day I got to know [the other students] and got along with them.”

Friendships often develop with exchange students from other countries who are placed in the same community. The shared experience of being new to the country and far from family can be a common bond. “I changed schools because it was getting hard for me to make friends at the first place. It was much better at the second school,” says Rebekah Elsen, who has a physical disability, about her academic year in Germany. “The people I was with in the [Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange] program and I became friends. I have friends from the United States I still keep in touch with today.”

Photo Caption: If the exchange student doesn't know the host country language, activities like going for a bike ride or listening to music can be an opportunity to for young students to connect with other youth in the host country.

Being the newcomer can be difficult, depending in part on the host school. “Our student was in the school play and on the track team throwing shot-put, but she had trouble making friends for many months because she was in a smaller rural [U.S.] school. It was partly that many of the students had been together for many years – and coming from another country and being in a wheelchair set her apart from other kids,” says Carol Radimosky, a foreign student coordinator about a wheelchair user from Asia.

Students who have experience standing out or being teased in their home countries due to their disability handle situations they encounter abroad with maturity, says Linda Reiff, who hosted a student with a physical disability from Russia. Some students also appreciate that their disability turns out to be a non-issue in the new country, or when they have a chance to discuss their disability matter-of-factly.

Photo Caption: The German exchange student with a disability is pictured here with her new found friends - friendships are what most teenagers remember most fondly from their exchange experience.

Diane Holth and her family hosted a German student with a disability: “About the third day she was doing group work in the classroom and one of the girls said, ‘Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.’ Our host daughter said, ‘I’ll answer you.’ The girl asked her about her arm. When I picked her up at school she said she was really glad they asked instead of just looking at her and wondering.” Jodi Moore, the exchange coordinator who placed this student with the Holth family, found the student was able to quickly make friends.

Some students with disabilities coming to the United States, may experience a mainstreamed school for the first time with non-disabled peers. “The teachers were really good at prepping their classes [for the arrival of an international exchange student], so it made it easier. I try to put them in classes where I know the teachers are going to be nurturing,” says Lourdes Crawford, the counselor at an Alaskan school.

“[Our Malaysian blind student] did really well at connecting with students – they were really supportive. I was concerned because the school is in an extremely mixed ethnic school and has about 1900 students. He was the shortest student in the school on top of not being able to see,” says Carolyn Clennedial, a host mother in Alaska. “The kids did not tease or harass him at all. He had excellent English skills, which helped. The other students were also good at helping him to find his bus number after school because I don’t think he could read the sign in a whole line of buses.”

Some students find the disability accommodations that exchange students in their classes receive to be interesting, which opens doors for interactive learning. “Students have commented that they like to be in class with the exchange student because the teacher explains more verbally,” says Lana Hittle, about a blind exchange student in her U.S. school. “Especially in her World History class, the kids are fascinated by watching her use Braille. She’ll just be Brailling along taking her notes, just like they’re taking notes. In her anatomy and physiology class, the kids are interested in the tactile graphics that we’ve come up with to help with learning the human body.”

When exchange students share about their own culture, language and country, this also draws students in and friendships can start to develop.

“[Our exchange student who was blind] would come in everyday and greet the fellow students, and at the end of class when the bell rang she would stand and thank her teachers and wish everyone in her class a wonderful day. You know how kids are, ‘Wow I can’t believe she just stood up and said that!’ but then they would say, ‘She is so cool.’ At first they were kind of taken back, but then later they just saw how she is a positive person and she influenced everyone that she met,” says Judy Loving, the resource teacher at the school.

When exchange students talk about their own culture, language and country, this also draws students in and friendships can start to develop. “She was very popular at school – she’s the kind of person who just wore her heart on her sleeve that is very endearing,” says Greta Maxfield-James, this student's exchange coordinator. “She is really good at English and could tell many other students about Russia and her life there, and she could really understand from other people what their lives were like.”

“One thing I had feared was my host high school; I had no idea how they would treat me. I was afraid that they would treat me poorly, but fortunately I was wrong,” says Vladimir Tereshchenko, a Future Leaders Exchange Program high school exchange student from Russia who is partially blind and attended school in the United States. “Everybody knew about my disability, but they never laughed at me. I did the same things that they did. I had fun and had a chance to forget my disability. All over the United States, I found a lot of very nice, helpful people.”

Photo Caption: Parents often note that their children, such as these Future Leaders Exchange Program participants, return from overseas with more confidence and self-esteem, which can have a positive influence on their educational or career goals.